"I'm Proud of You" Was Never My Love Language

Author's Note (2026)

I wrote this letter to Tenten in 2017 as he entered a new season of adulthood. Reading it again almost a decade later, I smiled at the mother I was–so proud, so involved, and admittedly wanting to be part of almost everything in my children's lives.

Time has taught me that our children don't stop needing our love as they grow older. What changes is how we love them. Sometimes we guide. Sometimes we simply cheer from the sidelines. And sometimes we finally say the words we once assumed they already knew.

Dear Tenten,

You know I rarely say the words, “I am proud of you.” Instead, I tell stories about you.

When people ask about you, I find myself sharing your achievements, your character, or the little things you do that make me smile. That is my way of saying, "I am proud of you, Tenten." Perhaps I wanted others to know how pleased I am with you.

Sometimes, when I tell those stories, I also feel a sense of fulfillment as your mother. It is almost as if I want to claim a little credit for whatever you have attained! Maybe you were right when you told me I always want to be a part of everything about you. I completely understand why you said you sometimes felt pressured—as if you had to achieve something so I could feel good about myself.

Still one truth remains: you did exceptionally well, and it was you who worked hard for it, not me. This is entirely your accomplishment!

Stepping Out of the Shadow

You are now officially entering a brand-new phase of adulthood. Maybe you want to lead your adult life entirely your own way now. That is okay. But I cannot overemphasize the importance of taking responsibility. Be ready for it!

I know you often feel like the shadow of your dad is constantly following you. Do not let yourself be pressured by it. Instead, choose to think of his memory as a way to bring passion and dedication to wherever you go and whatever you choose to do.

It is a must for you to be uniquely yourself. Your dad had his own distinct style, and I am certain you can build your own unique style, too. Yes! You can make your own footsteps. Use your father’s path not as a track to copy, but as your inspiration to achieve your own goals. People in this life may compare the two of you; use those comparisons as a challenge to do well and be noticed for your own independent efforts.

Doing the Right Thing

In your career, you will inevitably be placed in situations where you will have to choose between what is right and what is wrong. Choosing the right thing in this lifetime may sometimes mean you "lose" according to the temporary standards of men. Still, do the right thing anyway.

Pray and ask God to lead you in all circumstances. When your capabilities are being tested or challenged, think hard and pray hard. Be the best version of who you are without ever sacrificing your integrity, your representation of our family, or your faith.

Use modern technology to your full advantage. I admit I can be a bit of an opposition sometimes because I learned the traditional, old-school ways of your dad. But no matter how different we are and how fast this modern world changes, welcome any criticisms that come your way—especially the ones coming directly from me. After all, “Nanay mo ako!”

Our Story Continues

I will stay by your side for as long as God allows me. Whether you like it or not, my role as your mother does not stop just because you graduated. Expect disagreements between us—that is nothing new! But look forward to our compromises. Those compromises are the spices of our lives that make both of us better persons and make our unique mother-child relationship so special.

Our story doesn't end here. It simply continues.

So, fly high, ENGINEER TONI-JANSSEN P. MONSERRAT. Be proud of yourself! Because whether I say the words often or not...

I truly am proud of you.

—Your ever makulit na Nanay!

❤️❤️❤️