There are certain journal entries from the early years of my widowhood that I can read today with a gentle smile. Then there are those that make time stand still. This was one of them— written on December 29, 2015.
A year after Rey went home to the Lord, December 29 still felt as if it were happening all over again. I could still see every single detail of those final, heavy moments in the hospital room.
He looked uncomfortable and in pain. Yet, in his familiar loud, clear voice, he said—twice:
“LORD, AYAW KO PA. ’WAG MUNA.”
Without a moment of hesitation, I answered him, “Oo naman!”
I believed it with all my heart. I remember telling him, “Napapakinggan ka ni Lord. Ang daming nagdadasal para sa ’yo.”
I truly, deeply believed that God would not allow it to happen.
Then suddenly, with a quiet clarity, he spoke his last words:
“Tapos na.”
Where Grief Finds Somewhere to Rest
I wondered why our desperate prayers seemed to go completely unanswered. And now. a year later, I see it a little differently.
Our prayers did not change God’s mind that day. But God, in His infinite mercy, began changing ours.
Not all at once.
Not without tears.
Not without questions.
But little by little, He gently taught me to trust that His wisdom reaches deep places our understanding never could.
His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts.
That truth did not erase my grief. It simply gave my grief somewhere safe to rest.
Held Through Every Breath
Even today, I cannot say I fully understand His greater purpose. Perhaps I will never truly see it on this side of heaven.
But I know this much: the exact same God who held Rey in his final breath is the very same God who has faithfully held me through every single breath since.
So, until His perfect time...
See you again, my love.
🕊️✨❤️