Author's Note:
I first wrote and published this post back in 2016 on Medium. I am bringing it over here today to share the snapshot of my writing journey.
After the talk, a participant approached me and said, “Your example about dealing with children? I don’t think it will work with everybody.”
Little did I realize that I may have sounded like I was telling my audience, “You should follow my example.”
I couldn’t be so proud as to say that I was—or am—good at parenting.
For me, effective parenting is something we work on every day and on a case-to-case basis, depending on the situation. Sometimes, a different approach is needed for every child. I can be effective today, but tomorrow, I may be disappointed because I didn’t get it right. Then there’s another day, and another chance to try again.
During the early days of my marriage, I didn’t read parenting books or browse the internet about parenting, although I had the privilege of attending one or two parenting sessions when I already had three children.
By the way, I have four children—all grown-ups now, and two are married.
For me, books, internet articles and studies, teachings, and parenting sessions are guidelines. Some may work for us and our children; some may not.
In the early days of being a mother, I may have chosen to follow—or not follow—my own parents’ examples. But until I experienced things with my own children, I wouldn’t really have known whether an approach would be effective for us.
I eventually realized that I could have my own unique style of parenting—sometimes something I had never heard or read about—but one that could work for me and my children.
Because of what that participant said to me, I realized even more clearly that parenting is different for every parent—fathers and mothers alike—and is shaped by different cultures, social circumstances, and backgrounds.
For me, parenting should always be rooted in love and respect, no matter how we express them or use them in trying to be effective parents.
My goal has always been to have a good relationship with my children. I encourage open communication, ALWAYS—even to the point of agreeing to disagree.
I am controlling at times.
Oh no! Most of the time! 😂
And I have found that it works sometimes—but definitely not most of the time.
The 5 Ws and 1 H of parenting—Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How—take a lot of experimenting.
My journey as a parent, now a solo parent, continues… ❤️
