I really can’t tell what my feelings were when I wrote this in my journal. Whatever they were, maybe they were something I had to live with at that time.
March 23, 2018
Feelings are reasons, too. They remind us that we are human, grounded in reality.
Cry if you must. Be angry. Laugh. Feel whatever you need to feel.
There’s no need to rationalize everything.
*****
Dear Old Me,
You were learning that feelings don’t always need to be explained or rationalized.
Reading this again in 2026, I think you were right.
Maybe you didn’t always understand what you were feeling. Maybe you didn’t always know what to do with those feelings either.
But you were slowly learning that being human means allowing yourself to feel. And perhaps that was an important lesson.
For so long, I sometimes thought I had to make sense of everything before I was allowed to feel it.
I would ask myself, “Why am I feeling this way?” or “Do I even have a reason to be upset?” as though an emotion needed to pass some kind of test before I was allowed to acknowledge it. But feelings don't always arrive with explanations.
Sometimes, sadness is simply sadness.
Sometimes, anger is telling us that something mattered.
Sometimes, tears come before we even understand what hurt.
And sometimes, laughter comes when we least expect it.
That doesn't mean every feeling should dictate what we do.
Feeling angry doesn't give us permission to hurt someone. Feeling afraid doesn't mean we have to surrender to fear. Feeling sad doesn't mean we have lost hope.
There is a difference between allowing ourselves to feel and allowing our feelings to control us.
And that, old me, is something I am still learning. I still have moments when I try to reason my way out of a feeling. I still catch myself asking whether I should be feeling this way, whether I have a good enough reason, whether I should already be over it.
Maybe I need to remember what you were beginning to understand back in 2018:
I don't have to deny a feeling just because I don't understand it yet.
I can acknowledge it without being ruled by it. I can simply sit with it and say, “This is what I'm feeling right now.”
I can bring it to God. Because God doesn't only meet me when I have everything figured out.
He meets me in the tears I cannot explain.
In the anger I am still trying to understand.
In the silence.
In the confusion.
Even in the moments when all I can say is, “Lord, I don't know what to do with this.”
Maybe that is the lesson you were learning then—and the lesson I am still learning now.
Feelings are reasons, too. They don't always need to be defended. They don't always need to be fixed. Sometimes, they simply need to be acknowledged, carried to God, and allowed to pass through us without taking over.
So, old me… I will keep going.
I don't have to explain every tear.
I don't have to justify every emotion.
I don't have to turn every feeling into a lesson immediately.
Sometimes, we simply need to feel—and let God meet us there.