Beyond “TMI!”

"TMI!!!" What is this?

I first heard the expression from my children many years ago when they were still young. Whenever my husband and I shared stories about our little moments of lambingan or added amusing details to our stories, they would immediately cover their ears and shout, “TMI! "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"

It always made us laugh.

Long before they became adults, our family had already gotten used to talking about relationships and sex. These conversations began when our children were in secondary school. Back then, they would react with dramatic “Yuck!”, “Ewww!”, or “TMI!” The youngest would sometimes leave altogether just to avoid hearing the rest of the conversation. 

Our purpose was not to educate them. They were never planned. They simply happened—during meals, while driving, after watching a movie, or whenever a random topic came up. More often than not, my husband started them. They were casual, uplanned conversations filled with laughter, teasing, and stories that our children pretended not to enjoy hearing.

The Secret To The “Big Talks”

Talking about sex and relationships with my children began with small talks, going to spontaneous, unplanned and unrehearsed conversations, done over a period of time. It doesn't have to be a serious one-on-one-you-must-listen-to-me kind of conversations lest I think my children won't enjoy talking about those things with us.

Those comversations did not stop after my husband passed away. 

Did they become awkward for me? Not really.

I supposed I had already been trained. 

Besides, love, relationships and even sex have always been among our family’s favorite topics—not because we treated them lightly, but because we believed they were worth talking about openly. 

The difference from the past, is that we talk about sex with more  thoughtfulness, although teasing and jokes still finds its way into almost every discussion. Now that my children are all adults, they sometimes initiate these conversations themselves. I answer questions and discuss what I know without being conscious on how and when to use words related to it.

A Mother-Daughter

Heart-to-Heart

Before my eldest daughter got married, we spent hours talking about sex, virginity, the wedding night and everything in between.  We even talked about how I personally see the difference between sex and lovemaking. It was one of the most honest conversations we had ever shared, and neither of us felt uncomfortable.

My thought about this as a mother wasn't a 'must-do-this-role' though! Nevertheless, I chose to be as open as I reasonably could because I wanted my children to know that they could talk to me about anything. More than giving advice, I wanted them to understand my values, hear my perspective, and know where I stand. 

Perhaps these conversations did not shape every decision my children would eventually make. They have their own beliefs, but I am relieved that they heard me with open minds.

The Goal of an Open Door

I admit I am a very conservative mother. I say that with respect to parents who may choose a different approach.

But maybe, that has always been the point—not to control their choices, but to remain someone they could keep talking to, long after they had grown up.

My solo parenting continues... ❤️

How does your family handle the awkward 'TMI' topics? Do you prefer a planned sit-down chat, or do you let them happen naturally over meals?