While They Still Want to Hang Out With Me

⏳Author’s Note (2026)

I wrote this in January 2019. Seven years later, I smiled while reading it again. Much has changed, yet much has remained the same. My children have grown older, and so have I. We have weathered seasons of joy and sorrow, misunderstanding and reconciliation, difficulty and triumph, but one thing continues to be true, despite their busy schedules—they find time to invite me to hang out, laugh with them, be their friend or just simply be their mom. Looking back, I realize my “so be it” was not about giving up, but about choosing gratitude for every opportunity God gave us to share with each other.

I did not experience hanging out with my two eldest children, Noknok and Ningning, alone or together when they were younger. Looking back, my excuse was simple: life was busier packed with many activities other than work. 

Years later, my two youngest children, Tenten and Yeye, were blessed to have me hanging out with them. Or is it the other way around? I was blessed to have them hanging out with me.

The Secret Language of Best Friends

Tenten and Yeye have always been the best(est) of friends. When they are together, they share a body language that only the two of them understand— their eyes, their smile, their laughs, their movements. They have this special tinginan, their tawanan, their sikuhan, their sipaan. When they would do these things while I was with them, I would feel a bit out of place trying to guess the meaning behind their inside jokes.

They also have the audacity to challenge themselves in public. I remember them intentionally acting out and loudly reciting certain dramatic movie lines, dancing, or singing at the top of their lungs while walking down the road. I would physically move away from them and ignore them, pretending I didn’t know them at all! 

I remember one instance when they challenged me to sing a phrase of a song out loud. And I actually did! I sang out loud while walking along the sidewalk with them. Mabuti sana kung maganda ang pagkanta ko! We all burst out laughing! Honestly, I enjoyed those moments, but I was so embarrassed at the same time! Jusmiomarimar! 😱

One evening, we were in a coffee shop, and they were at it again—laughing, teasing each other, and completely unconcerned about who was watching Sayang!  I should have captured those moments in camera. That was, in fact, the the reason why I wrote this.

Dropping the “KJ Mode”

When I am in my conservative, prim and proper, “Killjoy” (KJ) mode, I would scold them just like my own mother used to scold me when I was misbehaving. Yun bang susutsutan ko sila tapos pandidilatan ko ng mata. They would act as if they understood and would behave for a for a few seconds, but most of the time, they just ignored me. When they irritated me, I was always tempted to just walk away.

But then, I would remind myself, “Why would I allow my irritaion to ruin what could become another beautiful memory together?”

If I had insisted on my annoyance, I already knew how the evening would end.

• I would walk away angry.
• They would feel guilty.
• And instead of going home laughing, we would go home wearing long faces.

Every time I am with Tenten and Yeye, I can easily laugh—labas ang gilagid (as Yeye loves to tease me) until I can’t even breathe from laughing so hard. They have been my happy pills, especially when I was lonely or going through difficulties.

Better Late Than Never

I sometimes wonder, “How would it be, and what could have been my experience with Noknok and Ningning during their younger years if we were given the same chance?” 

But it is better late than never. Even as middle-aged adults, I have finally had the chance to go out with them separately. 

It was a conscious choice my husband and I made years ago—to become not only parents to our children but also their friends. That friendship never removed our responsibility to lead and guide them. Instead, we learned that love speaks much better through relationships than through authoriy alone.

Beyond everything, I am confident that my husband and I have planted the seeds of Christian values in them, and I am here to patiently and constantly remind them of the fruit. 

As I grow older, I may not be able to follow or adapt to all their ways.
As my children grow older, I understand they will need more space for themselves.

So be it.

However, while those days are not yet here, and they are still willing to hang out with me, I will just live completely in the moment and enjoy it.

My four children—Noknok, Ningning, Tenten, and Yeye—walking ahead of me years before they became grown-up adults. One of my favorite photographs, because it captures exactly what I hoped for: not perfection, just the joy of being together.

❤️❤️❤️

Do you ever find yourself slipping into 'parent mode' when your kids are just trying to make you laugh? How do you balance being a guide and being a friend? Tell me in the comments!