Who Is Affected?

“His ex is pretty.”

It shouldn’t be a problem. You’re beautiful.

Then again… it’s true. His ex is pretty.

I have always been the kind of mother who worries about what my children might be feeling—often even before they realize they are feeling it themselves. So, the moment those words left her mouth, out came my complete litany of motherly advice:

Before Pride Stayed Too Long

There we were, happily exchanging stories on our way home. It had been one of those drives every parent treasures—easy conversations, effortless laughter, and the comforting feeling that your grown-up children still genuinely enjoy talking to their mother.

Listening Through Heartbreak

Heartbreak happens. Heartbreak hurts. Eventually, heartbreak disappears.

But I never actually experienced my own heartbreak.

I had a boyfriend when I was sixteen. After high school graduation, we simply drifted apart without ever talking about breaking up. I left home for college, and from then on, we had no communication.

“Why didn’t I experience heartbreak?” I sometimes asked myself.

Are You or Are You Not?

There comes a time when children begin to keep parts of their lives to themselves. They say it usually starts during the teenage years—or sometime after that.

No matter how close you are or how tightly knit your family is, one day you may wake up realizing that you know only a little about what is happening in their lives. They say children naturally become more private as they grow older, until some things are simply no longer shared with their parents.

And they say, "It's okay. It's part of growing up."

But what do I say?

"I'm Proud of You" Was Never My Love Language

Author's Note (2026)

I wrote this letter to Tenten in 2017 as he entered a new season of adulthood. Reading it again almost a decade later, I smiled at the mother I was–so proud, so involved, and admittedly wanting to be part of almost everything in my children's lives.

Time has taught me that our children don't stop needing our love as they grow older. What changes is how we love them. Sometimes we guide. Sometimes we simply cheer from the sidelines. And sometimes we finally say the words we once assumed they already knew.